Author: Dulci

Are you a Good Listener?

You always know when in a conversation if somebody is listening to you or not. I mean really listening. The interest is written all over their face, their body is slightly mirroring your own and you can almost feel the invisible connection you have with this person, as though you are both joined in some other morphic world. This is intentional listening at its best.

When you are in a relationship, any relationship, whether you are a couple, work colleagues, shop assistant, therapist, teacher or politician, the key to positive relations is being a good listener. When you really listen, you hear, not only what is being said verbally, but also what is not being said. A good listener is a good communicator. A huge amount of our communication is done using body signals, including eye movement and facial expression. If you can read these ques, hear the story and stay emphatically tuned to the other person, then you have yourself the start of a positive relationship.

Quite often however, the opposite is true. In a conversation we will fade out, think numerous other thoughts, drift off or look away. All these actions break our connection. It only takes on slight movement of the head to be distracted by another scene, the eyes are seeing another story and our imaginations start telling our own story- we all mostly live inside ourselves.

How to a good communicator is an art form, the ability to listen intently is a gift. Imagine how much a relationship could improve if you spent time and effort on listening, really listening to your partner, child or even colleagues. From this basis, so much is occurring. As a new born baby we learnt through the senses, touch and feel, then we very quickly recognized that eye contact kept our mothers attention only on us, pure bliss.

These basic instincts allowed us to build trust. The expression ‘look me in the eye and tell me the truth,’ says a lot about the art form of communication, we even know when someone is lying to us! Positive communication involves a whole series of events, such as eye contact, mirroring body language, matching voice tones and that invisible sense we feel when two people are truly sharing an energy.

So next time someone you care about is needing to talk make it a habit to listen intently, respectfully, empathetically and you have the recipe for a positive relationship.

-Fiona

Who’s Your Inner Child?

What do we mean when we talk about our Inner Child? This is the heart of you, the very deep part of who you really are, the essence of your core being. Our Inner Child is that voice in our head, the one who is scared, lonely, sad or perhaps your Inner Child is a little naughty and wants to play.

It’s important to get back in touch with the Inner Child, and sometimes that can be a scary experience, why? Because as children we were not always safe, or our perception in a moment of time deemed us as feeling unsafe. This moment in time is a memory, if our memory of a moment in time is linked to an emotion such as fear, anxiety or mistrust, then we stored this in our unconscious mind.

The past plays a crucial role in shaping personality and behavior: early conditioning can turn a healthy child into a victim using a trigger from the past, such as a relived memory that made the child afraid. The past determines our thinking and this in turn determines our story, which will influence our boundaries and our behavior as adults in the present moment.

For some individuals their Inner Child rules their every waking moment, this is living in the past. When in this state individuals are not being true and authentic. In other words, you are letting your Inner Child dictate your life, so the key is to leave the past behind, no matter how hard and go in search of your true life’s purpose. Living life in the moment opens you up to so many possibilities, and being authentic means you can see opportunities coming a mile away. But if you are still living in a state of Inner Child, you are closed to new ideas and direction. Living authentically means your life’s goals manifest easier and as a consequence your life is empowered.

When we function as individuals at this level we attract others into our lives who are also living authentic states, this is the law of attraction 101. There is always a place for our Inner Child, we can never deny deep emotions, we will always travel to the depths of our being, our unconscious mind, where we find ourselves back in the past, where memories reside. This is where all our life experiences sit, including our family memories, collective memories and all the turmoil of growing up, of emotions and feelings that help us to be who we are today. Our Inner Child is the keeper of our early beginnings, of our memories good and bad and our Inner Child is the one who sends out our archetypes to help us cope in different situations, you know the ones, the enabler, the rescuer, the warrior, the princess and on the list goes.

Next time you are having a moment or perhaps even a tantrum, try and see just who it is the Inner Child is sending out to cope with the situation, you may even surprise yourself, you may start to see patterns, get to know sides of your own personalities that you had never before stopped to fully get to know. Allow yourself to give over to the process, get to know the real you the inner you and in so doing you get to have a relationship with your Inner Child. And who knows perhaps you are just the person he or she needed in order to let go of any past hurts or pains, this is the key to self-growth, psychological wellbeing and happiness.

-Fiona

Dealing with Negativity

Negativity, what is that? Why do some of us let this powerful force spiral us downward into a void of darkness and negativity, sucking the very life force from our soul?Our default mode is to be negative, that’s just the way Mother Nature primed us. However she never meant us to be dark and depressed and lead a life of total negativity.

The polarity of balance is a great scale when analyzing our positive to negative life events which will then determine our emotions in balance. We all need to experience the extreme ends of the polarity such as depression to then truly know ecstasy; our positive and negative emotions keep balance in life. Life of course is not a bed of roses and we humans are very emotional reactionary creatures. So remember to be kind to yourself even when you are in a bit of a negative frame of mind.

The Polarity of Balance is a great model and a good measure for me, my family, friends and clients. It just gives you an indication of how they are travelling and what their experiences are showing them, a snapshot if you will. It’s a good monitor. But what is negativity and how do we recognize it? In universal terms negativity is energy; this energy can be both given and received. You know how sometimes you feel you just don’t want to be around a certain person, they repulse you, well that’s their energy talking to your energy and like magnets you are either attracted or repelled. Energy is an invisible force field that surrounds our bodies; it can be captured in special photo imaging. Also known as an aura, the aura is also known as Kundalini energy and the Chakra’s. Each culture has its own interpretation.

A person with a high negative energy normally experiences negative emotions such as anger, jealousy or fear. They experience a low level of energy. Wellness is affected when people spend too much time in lower energy states; the Chi, Ki or life-force energy in their bodies might slow down or in certain parts of their body or organs can stagnate. This is the manifestation of an illness, eventually leading to any physical, mental or emotional problems.

You are what you say too. Keeping a check on your verbal communication will give you a good indication as to whether you are an optimist or pessimist. Generally speaking optimists are more positive. Being mindful of the words you speak, avoiding gossip, bringing positive aspirations into a group or home can really boost your positive energy. Once you get into the swing of things, being a more positive thinker can actually open doors. Doors to healing, both physically and mentally and as I always say, happy people don’t get sick!

Recently a client of mine came to see me. I let her talk for some time, listening intently to her words, observing her body language and emphatically tuning in to her emotions. My client had opened herself up for negativity. Her Polarity of Balance would have been way off the Richter scale and she was “stuck” in the extreme end of the negative polarity. This is where a calming energy comes into play and good therapeutic skills are needed to challenge people about their thinking and behaviour.

Negativity is energy; energy can be felt, measured and controlled or healed. Many holistic therapists work on an energetic level, I use Sandplay, Mindfulness and Existential questioning. No matter what method you use, staying positive and allowing the balance to come into your life isn’t such a bad way to live, mindfully. Lifestyle and wellness is directly connected to the energy you put out and the people you hang out with and attract.

Is it time for you to do some spring cleaning in your life? Is it time to seek out purpose and direction, to rein in as much positive vibes into your life that you will allow yourself? I think so, why? Because you deserve it!

Fiona