Month: January 2016

Dealing with Negativity

Negativity, what is that? Why do some of us let this powerful force spiral us downward into a void of darkness and negativity, sucking the very life force from our soul?Our default mode is to be negative, that’s just the way Mother Nature primed us. However she never meant us to be dark and depressed and lead a life of total negativity.

The polarity of balance is a great scale when analyzing our positive to negative life events which will then determine our emotions in balance. We all need to experience the extreme ends of the polarity such as depression to then truly know ecstasy; our positive and negative emotions keep balance in life. Life of course is not a bed of roses and we humans are very emotional reactionary creatures. So remember to be kind to yourself even when you are in a bit of a negative frame of mind.

The Polarity of Balance is a great model and a good measure for me, my family, friends and clients. It just gives you an indication of how they are travelling and what their experiences are showing them, a snapshot if you will. It’s a good monitor. But what is negativity and how do we recognize it? In universal terms negativity is energy; this energy can be both given and received. You know how sometimes you feel you just don’t want to be around a certain person, they repulse you, well that’s their energy talking to your energy and like magnets you are either attracted or repelled. Energy is an invisible force field that surrounds our bodies; it can be captured in special photo imaging. Also known as an aura, the aura is also known as Kundalini energy and the Chakra’s. Each culture has its own interpretation.

A person with a high negative energy normally experiences negative emotions such as anger, jealousy or fear. They experience a low level of energy. Wellness is affected when people spend too much time in lower energy states; the Chi, Ki or life-force energy in their bodies might slow down or in certain parts of their body or organs can stagnate. This is the manifestation of an illness, eventually leading to any physical, mental or emotional problems.

You are what you say too. Keeping a check on your verbal communication will give you a good indication as to whether you are an optimist or pessimist. Generally speaking optimists are more positive. Being mindful of the words you speak, avoiding gossip, bringing positive aspirations into a group or home can really boost your positive energy. Once you get into the swing of things, being a more positive thinker can actually open doors. Doors to healing, both physically and mentally and as I always say, happy people don’t get sick!

Recently a client of mine came to see me. I let her talk for some time, listening intently to her words, observing her body language and emphatically tuning in to her emotions. My client had opened herself up for negativity. Her Polarity of Balance would have been way off the Richter scale and she was “stuck” in the extreme end of the negative polarity. This is where a calming energy comes into play and good therapeutic skills are needed to challenge people about their thinking and behaviour.

Negativity is energy; energy can be felt, measured and controlled or healed. Many holistic therapists work on an energetic level, I use Sandplay, Mindfulness and Existential questioning. No matter what method you use, staying positive and allowing the balance to come into your life isn’t such a bad way to live, mindfully. Lifestyle and wellness is directly connected to the energy you put out and the people you hang out with and attract.

Is it time for you to do some spring cleaning in your life? Is it time to seek out purpose and direction, to rein in as much positive vibes into your life that you will allow yourself? I think so, why? Because you deserve it!

Fiona

Positive Parenting

In order to understand the effects positive parenting has on your child’s well-being it is important to first understand that we all have different parenting styles. These styles have been generally classed in the following;

Authoritarian, where parents have strict rules, expect their child to be mature and compliant. The next style is Authoritative, where parents are assertive, not restrictive, supportive yet monitor behaviours closely and show clear standards, then we have the Permissive parenting style, these parents rarely discipline, are responsive and allow their child self-regulation. The last style is uninvolved parent, this style speaks for itself and has no place in positive parenting. When looking at the different styles it is easy to see that if two parents have a differing opinion on which style to use when parenting, this can impact on them showing a united front in parenting, which is key to good positive parenting.

Positive parenting is leading your child towards learning good values and having well rounded beliefs, this is why it is important for parents to unite in their parenting decisions, to share the problem solving, and to us a compatible language. It is a valuable lesson for the child to see and hear that both their parents or carers are able to use positively enforced language, utilize diverse skills to attain a positive outcome and all the while inviting engagement from within the family unit. A mother with a permissive parenting style can reinforce this unity by never saying yes to a child without first saying, “I’ll talk to your dad see what he says and then we can discuss it as a family”, because we know otherwise she’ll just say, “yes”. This allows the permissive styled parent to align their parenting style more to that of the other who may be authoritarian or authoritative and would most likely be saying “No” more often than not.

The role of positive parents is to find a middle ground, as it is here in this important area that mother, father (carers) and child learn to create a dialogue around opinions, where the child learns to see others perspectives and in this way their values are formed. This is the basis of positive parenting and it is a time where parents are experiencing their own interpersonal communication, listening to their own inner voice, which sets us them up for further self- growth and development as adult individuals, as couples and as a family unit.

The greatest benefit to showing a united front as parents, is of course growing healthy children. They will gain the advantage of staying within healthy boundaries and feeling secure in the knowing that both parents share the caring role. This is a healthy family dynamic where parents are the educators, children learn beneficial life skills. Positive parenting builds children who have been given the gift of self-discovery, learning to behave within a social environment and grow to learn intimate aspects of themselves and each family member. Children who are able to express emotions freely in a positive environment learn to become better leaders and true authentic individuals within the family and society. This is an important element as it allows them to have a dialogue with their inner self, it brings them into the present moment. This is an area of mindfulness that connects the body and mind, and if a child has been given the ability to use this skill, they can gain an advantage when it comes to self-regulation.

Self-regulation is knowing when you are in a bad place, it teaches the child that if they do something wrong, something outside of their values that stress levels will rise and they may suffer from anxiety. It could begin with a stomach ache; this may be the beginning of regret at what you have done. A positive parenting environment allows the child to experience this as part of self-regulation, knowing that it is all part of the pathway to growing healthy children. A cohesive family is a family that unites together, learns together and grows together yet allowing each individual the opportunity within the interdependent framework in which to explore.

Knowing your place and having a sense of belonging, feeling safe, secure and loved unconditionally is how healthy functioning parents serve their child’s well-being. These factors all stimulate the child’s psychological and biological growth. Nobody however gets away without having to go through the terrible twos, hormonal teenagers or ego driven adolescents. As parents your job is to support them, catch them when they fall, dust them off and send them on their way again. The key is to instill good values, be a positive role model and practice mindful parenting.

When we have healthy thoughts we trigger our body’s response by wanting to eat healthy foods, enjoy regular exercise and attract positive relationships. Our positive thoughts give rise to an open conversation with our higher self (spirit) and that aligns our energies to a higher level, this then becomes the realm of law of attraction. When you are in a positive frame of mind you are much more open to new ideas, new people and new possibilities. Our higher self or often called our super conscious mind is a radar, it signals to the mind the infinite opportunities that await.

Positive parenting is a series of methods, skills, attributes, mindsets, internal dialogues and much more. If we as parents can find the balance between mind, body, spirit or thinking, feeling and intuition then the equation leads us to a more balanced way of parenting. This is enough to be called positive parenting, because at the end of the day, we are not super heroes, we are humans with all our baggage, our own emotional states and sometimes we get it wrong, yet those are the moments that determine when we know we got it right.

A happy family needs leaders and part time superheroes, but mostly what a healthy family needs are parents who are willing to show their flaws, their emotions and their inabilities, and these beautiful attributes make you human and give your child permission to do the same. We are role models, we are not perfect and we cannot always remain positive. We will have our buttons pushed, we will have our off days, we will question our place, our parenting style and our abilities. And this is just exactly what positive parents do.

Fiona

What is Mindfulness?

What is mindfulness? It seems to be the buzz word here in Australia. Often combined with meditation and yoga, mindfulness conjures up images of Buddhist monks chanting, swaying, incense burning and long periods of silent contemplation in a cave. Yet somehow it has made its way into our daily conversations, is practiced in community halls, school gyms and yoga rooms all around the country. Even some leaders in industry are recognizing the value of introducing mindfulness into the workplace, community and education.

Think of a cat, have you ever just observed the way cats spend their day, how they hunt, eat, clean themselves and then find the warmest most comfortable spot to sleep contentedly. Well, cats are the best at mindfulness. They don’t just spontaneously do things; they ponder, sniff, walk around and sit for a moment. Cats don’t scoff their food, they eat with a certain kind of savouring, they know when they have had enough and so they stop. Cats keep to a ritual of cleaning themselves and their loved ones and in this action of licking cats appear to be on a mission.

Mindfulness often includes the following elements; here and now or in the moment, non-judgement and commitment. So really it’s not hard to include mindfulness in our own day to day routine filled lifestyles, all you have to do is, be mindful. Take the example of our fury friend the cat, if you have the chance to observe one, watch how they go about their daily tasks and then ask yourself if I were a cat for the day what reflection would I have at the end of the day; ‘woke up from a nice cosy sleep, had a stretch, then laid in bed for a bit, then I had some breakfast in my favourite bowl which I ate slowly. I then washed my body all over with my beautiful smelling organic rose blossom scrub, dressed and made my way to the train. On the train I had a lovely snooze in the window seat which was doused by the warm rays of sunlight. When I arrived at work I greeted all my colleagues warmly and then made myself a nice warm glass of milk to savour until lunchtime’.

Imagine if we remembered and savoured each moment of the day as if it were the most important moment of our life. This is living in the moment or the here and now, living this way keeps us focused on what is truly happening both around us and in our body. Another advantage of mindfulness is just that, mind-ful-ness. This is the mind being fully engaged with whatever activity you are doing, like eating breakfast. When you eat breakfast you don’t want to think about what you will be having for lunch, or worry about if you’ll get a seat in the train, no mindfulness is about being in the moment without thought for a past or future event, and savouring the tastes, smells and sounds that come with this type of practice.

Australian’s are very hard working down to earth people, yet most Australian’s will admit to living a stressful lifestyle. Fast living, fast foods, quick lunch breaks, instant dinners, and bringing work home don’t really leave much room for self-contemplation. The good news though is that anybody can learn mindfulness, you don’t need any skills, tools or qualifications; you just need to be human or a cat!

Fiona